Does Mother’s Day fill you with dread or a sense of contentment?
Years ago, I decided Mother’s Day was not one of my favorite holidays. Do I sound strange? My husband was baffled. What’s not to love about breakfast in bed, a day off from dishes, with hugs, kisses, and gifts being showered upon you? The reality is I wanted to be cherished, but I also kind of want to be left alone. Which somehow felt wrong.
The thing is, for me, Mother’s Day had become a day to celebrate the perfect life. And my life was anything but “perfect.” The day was riddled with guilt and unmet expectations. I know everyone means well, but how fun is it to celebrate motherhood when your life feels like it’s continually falling short?
When I became a mother I had this idea of what my life would be like. We all do to a certain extent. Our expectations come from many different places. From the examples of our family growing up (or lack of example), from movies, social media, the people around us, and our brains.
When I became a mother I had this idea of what my life would be like. Sometimes our life is all we expected and other times it is not.
Sometimes our life is all we expected and other times it is not.
The irony of having these expectations is they do not magically change how our life is. Unmet expectations only create disappointment and resentment.
So am I saying we shouldn’t expect anything from our life as a mother?
You can expect whatever you want. But if motherhood doesn’t meet your expectations… why not stop expecting?
When I stopped expecting my life, my family, my husband to be a certain way – to be different than the way there were – I saw everything in a whole new way.
And do you know what happened?
I stopped focusing on the things I wished were different and started noticing what was good. I saw the funny, good-hearted man I married. The kind, hard-working, and loveable children we were raising. I saw the people they were becoming instead of who I wished they already were. My new perspective showed me hope and promise where before I only saw what it was lacking.
It turns out my life is more amazing than the imaginary one I dreamt up in my head.
If you find yourself in the same predicament, may I suggest a different way of thinking this Mother’s Day? What if you tried to not have any expectations about the day? How would it feel if your life, or anything, in general, didn’t have the shadow of expectation hanging over it? See what it feels like to focus on all that is good around you. Who knows, it might feel so good you’ll want to try it every day!
In the comments share three specific things you can do to make your Mother’s Day Different this year.
Have you ever felt the frustration of unmet expectations quickly turn into intense negative emotions? If you’re interested in learning more about expectations, you might want to check out this post.
21 thoughts on “Why Mother’s Day Can Be Different This Year”
My mom always struggled with Mother’s Day for these reasons. She worried that she wasn’t the perfect mother, so what was there to celebrate? Since she passed away, I find myself thinking as much about her as I do myself that day, so that has helped me. 🙂 Thanks for sharing these thoughts at #heartandsoullinkup
I know my husband does the same thing – he focuses on his own my more now that she is gone. It’s hard to loose a parent! I’m grateful mine are both still around.
Very true, not only about Mother’s Day but life in general, too. Now if only I could get my hubby to see things like this too, he’d be a much happier person for it. I keep grinding away at that stone… xx
#WanderingWednesday
I think that was part of my problem too. He gets to choose his focus just like you do. Don’t forget your happiness is not dependent on him. The great thing about happiness is it’s contagious. Happy Mother’s Day!
So true, thank you Lori! Happy Mother’s Day to you too ? We live in the UK, so already had Mother’s Day earlier this year, but I don’t mind a second round of it 🙂
This is such a good reminder! I feel like my expectations for every holiday are exhausting now that I’m a mom, like everything needs to be picture perfect! Excited to go into this Mother’s Day with no expectations:)
Glad to help!
This is something I need to really think about as each Mother’s Day I expect it to be a special day but really it’s just another day but with a present, card and take away haha. Realistically that is enough for me so not sure where the expectation of anything else come from as really i’m Happy with that x
It’s interesting what the world sets us up for isn’t it?
Enjoy being celebrated even if it is in your own quiet way. We have Mothers Day in March in the UK and I still hesitate to mark it as I know the pain it causes for this who aren’t mother’s but wish to be. Thanks for the inspiration to join in with #wanderingwednesday
Thanks for joining with us today! I totally agree – Mother’s day is really about celebrating all the women who influence children in any of their various roles.
That is a really important perspective. Thank you for sharing. 🙂 #wanderingwednesday
Thanks Jennifer! Happy Wednesday!
Mother’s Day is always a difficult one for me too, but this year it was really lovely (I’m in the UK so we’ve had ours already)! Happy Mother’s Day to you all in the USA #WanderingWednesday
So glad to hear you enjoyed your day this year!
You’re right! Unmet expectations bring a lot of disappointment and discouragement. I’m going to try to live life with no expectations. Thank you for this post!
Happy Mother’s Day, Carri!
Just love this! Totally agree, friend!
Thanks so much, Sophie!
Yes! I love this. It has taken me time and practice to learn this, and I’m still far from perfect at it, but it makes all the difference!
I always believe recognition is the first step! you’re an awesome example, Beth!