Have you ever had a series of events that cause you to ponder if you are being your best self? I had the rare opportunity to travel to a wedding this past weekend. Followers of Choosing Wisdom on Facebook or Instagram know that Sharee’s daughter got married! It was so fun to see her and celebrate their growing family!
I had never met her daughter’s fiancé, but he won me over when he watched Mirth walk down the aisle. He was visibly moved to tears and continued to display his adoration and heartfelt emotion throughout the ceremony.
Their unique wedding was a joy and reflected their shared interests and playful personalities. Repeatedly, family and friends remarked how perfectly well-suited they are for each other.
Conversely, I spent time with another dear friend and was able to overhear many emotional conversations as her daughter was the odd one out of a complex love triangle. What a stark contrast to the joyous occasion we had just celebrated.
Lessons on Love
First, it made me ponder my own relationship with my husband. Do my eyes radiate the love and devotion I hold for him? I admit that lately, they haven’t. I’ve allowed trivial disagreements and differences of opinion to irritate me. I certainly have not been my best self.
As I write this blog post while aboard the airplane to return home, I am grateful for all he does for me and our family. I’m determined to let my love and appreciation shine through my eyes, reassuring him of my unwavering devotion.
Second, after nearly twelve years of marriage, I’ve learned that building a successful and enduring relationship demands effort. A few years ago, my husband and I attended a three-day marriage retreat, a delightful and enriching experience.
This leads me back to my young single friend. I understand emotions take time to settle after a heartbreaking experience. During this journey, focus on becoming the best version of yourself. It’s a lifelong commitment, and you’ll want to find a partner who shares this dedication to personal growth and lifelong learning.
As you concentrate on learning and healing from this chapter in your life, you’ll be better prepared to meet your person- someone who is visibly moved when you enter a room and has eyes only for you.
3 Tips to Become Your Best Self
No matter your relationship status, to aid you on your journey, here are three tips to help you become the best version of yourself:
1. Embrace Positivity
Positive focus relates to all areas of life, whether you are dealing with traffic or dealing with kids. For today’s purpose, I’ll focus on marriage. Whatever you focus on will grow. What you seek, you will find.
If you look for annoying things your partner does, you will find them. If you’re searching for flaws in your partner, you’ll uncover them.
Instead, take note of the little things that warm your heart, and you’ll discover plenty of reasons to smile. (Pro tip: Write them down! Revisit these notes when you need a reminder.)
If you want to add a smile to your partner’s face, tell them what you love about them. A simple “I love it when you talk to the cat while you feed it. It brings out your gentle side” can go a long way to promoting positive experiences.
2. Emotional Management through Journaling
We all experience a range of emotions. When you find yourself overwhelmed with “negative” emotions, journaling is an effective way to release that emotional charge.
Here’s a simple journaling exercise:
- Grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil.
- Set a timer for seven minutes.
- Begin with “I feel (negative emotion) because…”
Once you’ve poured your emotions onto the page for seven minutes, liberate yourself from them! Tear the paper into shreds or burn it. It’s crucial not to hold onto these emotions or revisit them as ammunition for future arguments.
After this exercise, you’ll feel lighter and more prepared for a rational discussion without the intense feelings that can cause arguments. (Remember, both parties should ideally engage in this practice, but ultimately, you can only control your own actions.) As you learn to manage your emotions in healthy ways, you are on the path to your best self!
3. Read Empowering Books
We started the Choosing Wisdom Book Club to promote reading with a purpose. We have been reading books focused on relationships and self-improvement for several months. This month, we are reading “Bonds that Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves” by C. Terry Warner. We’d love to have you join the book club and join us in uplifting discussions near the end of each month.
An important reminder is that our pursuit of becoming the best version of ourselves isn’t for the benefit of others- including our spouse. Life is an ongoing journey of personal development. As I’ve persistently grown and transformed, I’ve found greater happiness and inner peace. The result is a positive ripple effect that extends to improving our relationships.