Having faith in God, and not results; was the biggest lesson I learned in 2019 and one I continue to learn. If we consistently put our faith in results, then we will only be disappointed when things don’t work out the way we envisioned. When we leave God out of the equation, feelings of frustration, doubt, and questions like: “why me” replace our faith, hope, and trust.
Our natural tendency is to put faith in something tangible, like results. Because we can’t visually see or touch God, it requires more work to trust Him and His process.
For example, we show up to work each day because we have faith, in the result, that we will get paid. It’s a lot easier to trust in these more physically concrete results.
Marvelous Thing About Faith
The marvelous thing about faith is when we practice it and consistently trust God; it does become tangible. God becomes more real. Christ feels closer, and you can hear God’s voice more consistently and clearly.
I believe that is one reason faith is the first principle in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It sets a foundation for a relationship with God and Christ and sets the path to more understanding and a broader vision of God’s purpose for us, even when we don’t see the results we hope for in this life.
If this is something you struggle with, you are not a failure – you are not alone. Whether we are religious or not, having faith in something good or a higher power strengthens us. Practicing faith is part of our relationships, parenting, and even ourselves. It is a synonym to words like hopefulness, optimism, belief, complete trust, conviction, and confidence.
Doesn’t that sound like a good thing to work for? I hope my experience will strengthen your faith and help you see how present God is in your life.
In the fall of 2018, our daughter Lyla was getting close to 18 months old, and we kept getting feelings that it was time to grow our family. The more we talked about it, planned for the future, and prayed, we knew it was the next big step in our lives we needed to take.
In April of 2019, I found out I was pregnant! It was only a few hours later when I also learned I had an ectopic pregnancy, which resulted in losing our baby, one of my fallopian tubes, and almost my life.
The hour before my fallopian tube ruptured, I was trying bathing suits on at Old Navy. My doctor performed the surgery and said I was just hours away from bleeding out, and it was divine intervention that I came in when I did.
Everything happened so fast. It was days after surgery when the trauma finally sank in. I felt so empty and alone for so long. The weeks following my surgery were the most brutal because I started to wonder why we felt so strongly about adding to our family when it only resulted in a lost baby and decreased chances of another pregnancy.
Fear and Doubt
The more I wondered, the more doubt sank in. Nothing added up, and I was worried about our chances of getting pregnant with only one fallopian tube. After I had physically recovered, we still felt strongly about having another baby. Months of tracking, ovulation tests, blood work, and trying everything under the sun to make it possible for my body to get pregnant — nothing happened.
All the ovulation kits and pregnancy tests coming back negative again and again became so unbearable. It started to feel like our family would never grow, knowing my body wasn’t the same anymore. I spent hours crying at night, begging God to give us a baby.
My heart was so heavy and burdened with longing for our baby we never got to meet. Coming to terms with child loss and infertility became a lonely and dark road.
I remember reading a journal entry from February 10th that said: “Lately I’ve been getting the prompting to “be still.'” I thought a lot about what that meant and wondered if God was trying to communicate with me before my ectopic pregnancy. It was like He was telling me I needed to listen to Him because He had something significant to teach me, and something wonderful would eventually unfold if I obeyed.
Faith in God
I prayed that night and said, “Look, I know I’ve asked you every day why I can’t get pregnant. Please help me have more faith in You. I don’t know what to do anymore.” I realized there was nothing I could change except my perspective and what my faith was in.
Once I changed my mindset, the answers started to come. I would actually flip my scriptures open to verses like this: “But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree and it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree spring up unto everlasting life.” (Alma 32:41) When I was a missionary, I had marked that scripture in bright red and wrote “PATIENCE” above it.
I would also flip my scriptures open to verses like this: “Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said? If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you.” (1 Nephi 15:11)
Incredible right? I was never searching for specific scriptures, but over and over, I started to realize God was trying to speak to me. His voice became louder; the more I tried to pause and be still. It was as if He was asking me to trust in Him, to be more confident in asking Him for a child with increased faith.
Prayers and Possibilities
The more I prayed, the more I wanted babies, and somewhere along those months of trying, I started to have thoughts of multiples. I began to have dreams of raising triplets; I began to say in my prayers, “If our babies need to come down in a team so they can lean on each other for strength in this world, then I’m up to the task!”
Out of nowhere, these thoughts and feelings flooded my mind. I didn’t think it was possible because there’s no history of multiples in our families. I couldn’t even get pregnant with one with my one fallopian tube, so I figured because I wanted a baby so badly, my mind was fixating on lots of them.
In one of my doctor appointments, I asked my doctor what we could do to increase our chances, and she told me our next step was to make an appointment with a fertility specialist.
The day I planned to make an appointment with a fertility specialist, I got a positive pregnancy test. I was in complete shock! Two weeks later, at an early ultrasound, we were stunned to see two babies — twins!
I couldn’t believe that all those thoughts had been genuine answers to our prayers in the best way possible! Every day of my pregnancy, I was full of complete gratitude. Grateful for our experience with the ectopic pregnancy, for the waiting and the way prayer had given so much meaning to everything.
My experience helped me realize how truly lucky I was to carry two babies every day and because of that, I enjoyed being pregnant the entire time, even with intense morning sickness! The greatest gift I received from our trial was a stronger testimony of faith and the power of it. I wouldn’t want anyone ever to experience infertility and child loss, but I wouldn’t change how it all happened. Developing a closer relationship with God, and seeing the results of having faith in Him has been invaluable.
Our twins were born July 8th, and we named our boy Jonah Taylor and our girl Kendall Faith. We’ve grown closer as a family and have loved seeing Lyla fill her role as a big sister. My experience will always be a cherished part of our lives, and I can’t wait to tell our kids why I picked Faith as Kendall’s middle name. It changed who I am in the most incredible way. That’s what happens when you have faith in God rather than in results.
More About Faith in God
- When God Says No
- How Does God Communicate with You?
- 5 Steps to Understand God’s love and Inspire Change
- Small and Simple Ways to Grow Faith in your Family