How to Build Self-Confidence and Finally Feel Secure

Today’s guest post is from Tamara Pflug who is a certified life coach & personal development expert. She is sharing her wisdom about how to build self-confidence. Enjoy!


A few months ago, I went for lunch with my friends, where we were all laughing, sharing stories and catching up with each other. I listened to one of my friends talk about the shenanigans of her toddler. Another friend talked about her promotion. Supremely excited, another friend of mine talked about her wedding preparations.

As I sat there with my friends, I couldn’t help but think how far behind I was in the race of life. It seemed like they had everything figured out and I was the only one struggling with problems and negative thoughts.

And I’ll admit, while I was certainly happy for my friends, I felt a little envious of them…

Build self-confidence

Right then, one of my friends broke into tears while talking about an incident that happened a few days back. It was this moment when I realized life isn’t a race. There’s no winning or losing. There’s no competition!

I realized I was kind of being judgmental. It was wrong of me to assume everyone had it better than me.

There are two sides to a coin. Even if people appear to have everything sorted in their lives, you may never know what’s actually going on behind the scenes.

The comparison of my struggles with others’ successes was not fair!

Everyone goes through tough times and struggles with negative thoughts. We are all in the same boat and you need to understand that we all struggle from time to time. Everyone is trying their best. We all are trying to live a fulfilling life, navigating through the challenges and roadblocks…

We should really have compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others!

This moment also made me realize how important it is to be confident and secure in yourself. If you’re not self-confident, you will not only put yourself down and undermine your abilities, but you will also find it difficult to support others and empathize with them.

Without a firm belief in your abilities, you won’t be able to harness valuable opportunities for growth. When you’re insecure, you can never be satisfied with your efforts or achievements. You will always beat yourself up!

This attitude will prevent you from making progress in your life.

Excessive envy makes you bitter and puts you in a negative frame of mind. But when you truly root for others and genuinely wish them success, you experience greater happiness. This allows you to stay in a positive frame of mind, which in turn helps you in your own journey to success.

Becoming more secure and building self-confidence is a skill you can gradually develop.

Benefits of self-confidence?

Having self-confidence means believing in your abilities. And when you believe that you can actually achieve your goals, you will strive to make the most of what you have. Even when you face obstacles, you will stay on track and move forward instead of feeling overwhelmed.

With self-confidence, you’re more likely to take risks and do things outside your comfort zone. This will allow you to expand your horizons and increase your chances of achieving success in any endeavor.

Have a look at some of the ways you can build self-confidence and be more secure in life!

1. Appreciate yourself and your journey.

It’s kind of funny how easily we seem to forget all about our own achievements when we compare ourselves to other people. We end up being dissatisfied with our lives, ignoring any achievement and milestone in our lives.

Without appreciating how far you have come in your journey, you will struggle to build self-confidence.

However, by appreciating yourself and being grateful for what you have, you will feel accomplished. You will focus on the right things and get the strength to move ahead in your journey to achieve more milestones!  

2. Ask yourself, “what happens next?”

If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you will never be happy with yourself. You will always focus on what you don’t have and undermine yourself.

You will live for others’ validation, not for yourself. So when you find yourself comparing yourself to others, ask yourself, what happens next? Then what? Are you just going to dwell on your shortcomings? You will come across many types of people in your life, will you always keep comparing yourself to them?

Constantly comparing yourself to others and trying to live up to other’s expectations will leave you exhausted. You will always feel miserable and inadequate.

3. Stay focused on your goals.

When you are completely sure about what you want in life and you work towards it, your self-confidence will increase.

Staying focused on your goals helps you to set your priorities, play to your strengths and take the right action. Every day is an opportunity to work on goals that make you feel fulfilled and happy.

Actively working towards your goals and visions give you a sense of purpose. You start enjoying the journey and find happiness in little victories in your everyday life. As a result, you don’t feel intimidated by other people’s successes.

4. Change the way you look at failures and setbacks.

Failures and setbacks are inevitable in life. When we experience failure we become disheartened and discouraged.

However, failing doesn’t mean that you’re incompetent. Don’t beat yourself up when you stumble and make mistakes. We are all learning and mistakes help us to improve ourselves.

Instead of undermining yourself and becoming obsessed with your failures, see what you can learn from your experiences. Figure out how you can better yourself and apply the valuable lessons in your life!

How to Build Self-Confidence and Finally Feel Secure 2

5. Practice positive self-talk.

The way you talk to yourself significantly impacts the way you behave, act and perceive the world around you. Practicing positive self-talk allows you to become your own cheerleader.

Unless you treat yourself with kindness and compassion, you will find it hard to overcome challenges and stay confident. Positive self-talk allows you to reinforce positive beliefs while eliminating the limiting ones.

The more you feed your positive beliefs, the stronger they become. This will help you to become more confident in yourself. For example, when you make a mistake, telling yourself “It’s okay, I tried, I can do better next time” is more beneficial than telling yourself “I’m an idiot, I’ll never be successful”.

6. Face your fears.

Many people hesitate to go out of their comfort zones due to their fears. Whether it is fear of making mistakes or the fear of being judged, fears can leave you feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

Our fears make things seem worse than they actually are. By letting your fears control your thoughts, behaviors, and actions, you limit your potential. As a result, you become unable to grow and move forward in your journey.

Confronting your fears allows you to become stronger and more courageous. You become able to realize your true potential and remain confident even in the most difficult situations.

7. Embrace a growth mindset.

A lot of times, we beat ourselves up thinking we are not good enough or smart enough to achieve success. Just because you think you’re lacking in one aspect of your life, doesn’t mean you’ll always stay like that.

You can overcome your weaknesses, improve yourself and grow in life. Developing a growth mindset can help you do that.

A growth mindset is about believing that you can become better and improve yourself by learning from your mistakes. When you have a growth mindset, you focus on what you can do to become better instead of wasting time blaming others and complaining about how incompetent you think you are.

Harness the power of confidence.

It’s natural to have certain doubts and fears but when you’re self-confident and have the right mindset, you can overcome your fears.

Being self-confident doesn’t mean you won’t experience negative emotions, it just makes it easier for you to bounce back from any difficult situation.

Like it? Pin it!
How to Build Self-Confidence and Finally Feel Secure 3

How to Build Self-Confidence and Finally Feel Secure

2 Comments

    • Lori Jackson

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.